Let's post your Jokes ;)

[aisya]

Spelling Mistake

A Small Boy Took A Knife
And Wrote His Girlfriend’s Name 0n His Hand..
After A Minute He Started Crying Loudly..
Why
.
... .
.
Paining ??
.
.
.
No !!
.
.
.
Then ??
.
.
.
Spelling Mistake !!!

[Anis_WN]

How to spell 'double u' ?

dee-o-yu-bee-el-ee-yu

[aisya]

^Let's take a short cut . its W sir'

--------------------------------------

Boy: Marry me.. ?

Girl: Do you have a house.. ?

Boy: No..

Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ?

Boy: No..

Girl: How much is your salary.. ?

Boy: No salary.. but,..

Girl: No but....
       You have nothing..
       How can i marry you.??
       Leave please!!!

Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche.. Why I still need to buy BMW.?!
        How can I get the salary when actually I'm the BOSS..

Well boy dont worry, you got me

[mesmerized haze]

Spelling Mistake

A Small Boy Took A Knife
And Wrote His Girlfriend’s Name 0n His Hand..
After A Minute He Started Crying Loudly..
Why
.
... .
.
Paining ??
.
.
.
No !!
.
.
.
Then ??
.
.
.
Spelling Mistake !!!

stupid boy     

I guess he never heard about henna,
it's saver, no pain and available in 3 colors
can stand for 3 months for some brand or at least 2 weeks

silly boy 

[aisya]

^ henna for girls only hehehehe.....

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
in jogja and anyer I ever saw an artist that paint man's arms with henna
the paint was a gothic lines and curves just like dragon or something

it's really not only for women, depends on the creation 

---

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her.

After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?" "Now tell me, what the *$%# would you say?"


 

what would u say anyway ?!

    

[aisya]

^    

I will say ... I'm fine sir'  ( the fit words to safe my life hehehehehe....)

[aisya]

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!" 

[free_man]

Couple weeks ago a friend of mine sent me an article about one of the local news in Augusta, GA.

I'll make it  short.

There was a male customer in Best Buy (electronics store) was caught by some surveillance cameras, putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted, the man knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside the store, there were 4 Marines doing some charity program for the public. One of the Marines stopped the man, but was stabbed on the back (the injury did not appear to be severe).

After the police arrived at the scene. The man was transported to the local hospital with 2 broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose, and a broken jaw.

Guess what was written in the police report?

The police report was, the injuries that person had sustained was caused of slipped and fell of the curb after stabbing the Marine.



In this article it shows how the police were protecting the Marines. I thought it's pretty funny since it should've been written as the man was attacked by the Marines,  instead of reported as slipped and fell of the curb...

I'm quite sure it happens a lot here in Indonesia, especially when it comes to people with strong influences (a.k.a. high ranking officials, corruptors or mafias).

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
miris...


It was a hot summer holiday, me and some friends were talking about monetary crisis. We were in my friend's dining room, ate hotdog and some slurpees.
Evelyn : I just hope that everything will be okay soon, and companies don't have to keep firing peoples
Me       : All we need is a cold hard cash from the investor and everything will be just okay, if they manage it well....
Marlyn : yeah agree, then i can live like before, have my car back, holidays in summer, good food, education for my kids

Sean (Marlyn's 4 years old son) : and toys too mommy ?
Marlyn : sure honey, and some education toys too

sean was pretty excited about it, he ran to his room and brought out some pennies

sean : let's  put this on the freezer mom, in next three hours there will be some cold hard cash

me, evelyn & marlyn :        

[aisya]

^ hahahahaha.... what a boy .... remind me with kids at "just go with it" movie ... creative kids

After the police arrived at the scene. The man was transported to the local hospital with 2 broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose, and a broken jaw.

Guess what was written in the police report?

The police report was, the injuries that person had sustained was caused of slipped and fell of the curb after stabbing the Marine.

I think the police too lazy to wrote them all , too long

yep yep .... just like Indonesian police....
I think most of police do the same thing because maybe the police think that they just criminal and they deserve it.
Wallahu 'alam 

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
 
yeah I wish that crisis could be solved that simply easy 

[aisya]

^ Lets pray for that day hehehehe...

Wife (romanticly)        : I wanna tell you something.....

Husband                     : Its not good to talk while eating.

Wife                            : ................. 

(after eating greedily)

Husband (romanticly) : now tell me what you wanna say.

Wife                            : emmmh their was a cockroach in your food!!!

Husband                     : 

 
Ps : he ate greedily and it means cockroach taste good 

[Anis_WN]

Three Chinese men who are close friends want to be a US citizen.

The first one named Lu. When the proposal was approved by goverment, he changed his name to Luck. After that, he became rich. Every luck seems to follow him everywhere he goes.

The second one named Bu. Knowing the story of his friend, he then change his name to Buck. After that, he became rich too. It seems that he can have any buck so easy.

The third one named Fu. Thingking about his destiny, he was so hesitant to change his name.




.
.
.




So, what happen to him then?




.
.
.




Fu changed his name to Fun. After that, he became rich too. He became a great comedian.

[aisya]

^ hahahaha sucessfull immigrant ......

I think I will change my name become "ai$ya" so dollar follow me hehehehe....

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
I'll support u 

A man is almost about to die,
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife,
"I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."

His wife looked at him calmly and said,
"Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

 

[aisya]

^thats call "even"

------------------------------

A sexy girl was standing at bus-stop covering her face with a scarf.

Man  : Hi..... Sexy...

Girl   : Dad ,........its me 

Man :   

hahahahaha..... I bet he wish to dead at that moment

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
I bet the girl will tell her mom later at home   

[mesmerized haze]

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."



QUESTION : what will happen to the officer if the chief finds this out 

[mesmerized haze]

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse miss-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"

The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"


 

[aisya]

QUESTION : what will happen to the officer if the chief finds this out 

he will be hang just like hangaRoe

But I'm thinking about the bride , at that moment she must be think that she's been stood up by the groom and cry like a river


The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"

if I were the woman , I better run before it goes to two

[aisya]

Politicians accident

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

hahahahaha.... poor politicians . no one trust them even in an urgent time

[aisya]

COP           : "Sir, I'm sorry but your wife has been involved in a fatal car crash & we would like you to accompany us so you can identify the body.

HUSBAND : "I'm a bit busy right now...
 
                   Can't u take a photo & tag me on Facebook... If its her I'll click 'LIKE' 




error husband

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
I think he's Hannibal Lector or jigsaw from SAW 

[limpoeng]

when I was about to Friday prayers at Istiqlal. i met a tourist.
i : Can I take pictures with you
bule : [have not eaten] [rush] no, sorry I'm very LAPAR. . .

sure  LoL

[aisya]

^

I once interviewed by a bule and he said 'bakso' I just couldn't get his word untill he said meatball it was easy when he spoke English than Bahasa

Btw dont worry limpoeng, they're so many bule at Istiqlal they just getting so many day by day

actually I kinda dont like with their presence because sometimes they disturbing . but everytime meet with bule at Istiqlal I tried to smile

Well... once again , in this case. money talk I wish I could give alot money to Istiqlal so they wont allow them to come everyday.....

malah curcol

[mesmerized haze]

@ limpoeng
you know that kind of thing ever happened to me in UK, few old women, I thought they came up from Ireland from their celtic dialect, asked me a bit about my veil and asked me to stood there with them for their friend to took a picture of us. I felt a little bit weird 
After that they gave me a souvenir, it's a key chain of purple small flowers in it. So beautiful 

When they talked and searched for that souvenir I really thought they wanted to gave me pennies  so I ready to said NO that time, but when it's a key chain... well alright folks I'll received it happily 

@ aisya
well, if it's a part of syi'ar I guess we have to let them continue that thing sya 

[limpoeng]

@mesmerized haze
wkwkwk      . a very impressive story sist. so damn funny!

[aisya]

^ yes ... such impressive story. specially this part

....I really thought they wanted to gave me pennies  so I ready to said NO that time, but when it's a key chain....


I bet haze prefer money so bad than key chain......   

@ aisya
well, if it's a part of syi'ar I guess we have to let them continue that thing sya 

I know.... I dont mind at all but give limited access because its mosque you know. not museum.

I go to I stiqlal most of time so I know the condition. I just want they give schedule to all visitors (specially non muslim tourist). because now Istiqlal aint cool anymore .... thats my favourite place

[skylight]

@ ^
you can wrote down your comment in a closed envelope and put it in box, don't forget to put some money for infaq inside. hope they read your aspiration and somehow consider it 

@ haze
ah ya ya you wear veil. It's kinda unique there 
but my question is : why you thought they will give you PENNIES instead of EUROS or POUNDS

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
:misuh: 

[skylight]

wuahahahahahahahaha


 


  ah haze

[aisya]

^thanx for the advice...

@kakak haze,

whats the meaning of misuh ?.....

I have no jokes to tell....

[aisya]

yesterday when we were studying arabic, one of my friend told me something that made me ketawa geli   *whats the meaning yah...

Well she's a teacher also a homeroom (wali kelas) at elementary school at third grade .

And one day, she wanna practice her ability speaking arabic since the students also got  arabic lessons. after she explained the lessons she said ,

"Fahimna" ....... but there's no reply from her student

and she was thinking the students didnt get her point and she repeated her word.

"Fahimna" ...... this time her voice more louder. but still no reply and she repeated again.

"Fahimna" ...... and there's one student answer her word

"mum , you should say Fahimtum and we'll reply Fahimna...."   

Ooo my god .... how come she's so confident. well she's quite smart but sometimes looked planga plongo

noted:
Fahimtum (do you understand)
Fahimna ( Understand - reply for fahimtum)

[mesmerized haze]

@ ^
she must have been wished for disappearing from that room that time 

misuh is.... 
javanesse word for bitching, u know... menggerundel, ngedumel

don't copy that, it's not good 

[aisya]

^kakak haze... where are you sih

-----------------------------------------------

A friend of mine post funny words....

Japanese attitudes for work :

"If one can do it, I can do it. If no one can do it, I must do it".

A Middle Eastern attitudes for work :

" Wallahi if one can do it, let him do it. If no one can do it , ya-Habibi how can I do it"



those arabian attitudes made me 

[lazios]

don't say who who ok...
cos no what what if you very funny

[aisya]

^hehehehe.... the free translation is, jangan bilang sape sape yeeeeeaah.....

[skylight]

free translation sometimes makes me laugh, on my BBM group a friend sent a picture
it's a big truck with bold notes said : DON'T RICH PEOPLE DIFFICULT

  took several seconds before I understand what it mean 

[aisya]

A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari, policemen arrives.

Man : (cried) Officer! Mah brand new car .

Police : You're such materialistic.You even haven't notice that your left arm has been cut off.

Man : (he looks at his left arm and yells). Oo my God! . My Rolex watch!


Materialistic chronic level